There are so many things to prepare for when becoming a mom. Learning how to take care of a newborn, how to breastfeed, how to mix a bottle, when to feed them, how often, what to dress them in, and so much more. Not to mention all the different research and studies that are thrown around about parenting every day. You may be judged for doing one thing and not another. You have to know how to safely secure them in a car seat, what’s safe for them to sleep in, how to know if they’re sick, when to go to the doctor, when to just know they’ll be fine. It’s a constant struggle of anxiety, worry, stress, and a huge learning curve.
When women become moms, especially for the first time, this stress is thrown on them often times with little help. It’s important to remember how you felt as a new mom and perhaps reach out to those around you that may need a little help.
There are so many things that run through new moms’ head and they may never say, a need for help they may never express. Here are a few things new moms may want to say but do not…
“What About Me?”
It can be so easy after baby is born for new mom to feel lost in the shuffle. I know I felt like everyone always came to see baby, they asked about baby first, me second, if at all. It can be so easy to feel like nobody cares about mom anymore, just baby. Remember the new mom needs attention too. Ask her how she’s doing. Make sure to connect with her and what she needs.
“I Need Help”
It can be hard for new moms to ask for help. There is this expectation, whether direct or indirect, put on women to be naturals at motherhood. It however, is not always that easy. You can be reading up on taking care of a baby for months, you can think you’re prepared, but there’s no truly understanding the work it takes until the baby is in your arms. Offer up your help as much as you can to the new mom in your life. If they don’t take you up on the offer, try again, don’t just give up. Let her understand that you’ll always be there if she needs you.
“I Don’t Need Your Unsolicited Advice”
Watch how you give tips or advice. New moms often will ask for advice for different situations. Their baby may have colic for the first time and is looking for a way to soothe them. They may just need a tip on bathing their baby or getting baby to sleep. Either way, only give advice when it’s asked of you. Then do not take offense if your advice is not taken. The way you parent may not work for them and that is okay.
“Don’t Touch Me”
I know not everyone is this way, but I have a huge bubble. I don’t like unwanted or unsolicited touching. When I was pregnant for the first time I could have just about bitten your hand off if you touched my belly without asking. It actually even caused strife between my mother-in-law and I. Do not touch a pregnant woman or new mom without asking. After baby is born, she often is being touched 24/7 and by the end of the day is done with any physical touch. Even as kids get older, they start to crawl, climb and jump on you. It can be exhausting.
Finally, remember that new mom does not just necessarily mean mom for the first time. Every time a mother brings another child into the world there is a new set of challenges. Be mindful and do what you can to help her set up a new routine with another little one in her life.
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I am SO with you. THIS post is excellent. I love it, Sarah! These are all things new mom’s want to say but are to sweet, afraid, or kind to!
Yes! I can remember getting so much unsolicited advice and them expecting me to live by it. My child my rules. Being a new mom was not easy that was for sure.
I definitely think that asking for help can be so difficult. You don’t want to be judged, you don’t want the unsolicited advice like you mentioned. Motherhood is just so overwhelming, especially in the beginning. But it truly does take a village. So calling on those that you have a close trusting relationship with can be a life saver.
I remember thinking all of these after having my daughter, and still do from time to time, especially the unsolicited advice. I know people are just trying to be helpful, but it’s so annyoing.
It’s weird how we can’t ask for help. I definitely never implemented this
Lovely post. I really wish people were more respectful of not touching pregnant women. If you wouldn’t dare come up and touch if I’m not pregnant, do not dare and touch me when I am. People need to remember that just because you’re pregnant, you didn’t all of a sudden stop being a person.
The unsolicited advice was extremely stressful to me. It made me feel so defensive.
This is so true! I definitely asked for help a lot more with my second little one.
Oh this is wonderful list. I felt all of these things as a new mom and never wanted to say anybof them.
Great list of good advice, also going with your heart and what works for you and your family.
I fell like asking for help is something we all struggle with but it is so important