Life of a stay at home mom or work at home mom can be very lonely. To make it worse, trying to make friends with other moms is just nerve racking. Small talk is my worst nightmare, but lately I’ve actually been trying. I make small talk, I give answers to questions, I share about myself and ask about them, but I find many times it gets me nowhere.
One specific person lately, I’ve been trying, and I always get polite short answers back and that’s it. I’m not sure if she just isn’t getting the clue that I want to be friends or if she does, and just doesn’t care. Either way I realize it’s important to understand when to just stop trying. It’s important to know the signs of when someone wants to be friends versus when someone does not want to be friends.
First, never take it personally if you feel like someone just is not interested in being your friend. It’s most likely not anything to do with you but rather many other factors could be at play.
They could just be too busy. Moms have a life and a very busy one at that.
They could feel like they do not need another friend. It can be hard to invest time in others and cultivate that relationship. That person may just feel like they’re good with the friends they have.
Signs someone is just not interested in being your friend
They are JUST polite.
When you talk, try to enter a conversation, ask about their day or anything else, they probably are just polite. They give answers rather then really acting interested. They may keep their distance or try to end the conversation. They may answer with close ended answers.
They DO NOT get excited about any similarities you have.
When someone truly wants to connect with you they’ll love when they find things to connect over. When it comes to being a mom the first similarity we all move to is just that. We all have things in common, we’re moms, but we may have different parenting styles, different age kids, different religious beliefs and all of these can bring wedges. Similarities in these can be great building blocks into making a great friendship. If the other person shows no interest in those similarities, they probably don’t want to be friends.
They are hard to get together with.
Again, I go back to my first suggestion, don’t take it personally. Moms are busy. It’s hard to get together sometimes, kids get sick, there’s a lack of easy access to babysitters, they’re just tired. But sometimes, these can be excuses, sometimes it’s hard to get them available because they just don’t want to be.
Signs Someone DOES want to be your friend
Imagine everything said before, but the exact opposite.
- They START the conversations.
- They ask about your life
- They invite you out, or try to plan something with you
- They show excitement in your similarities
Tips to Making Worthwhile Mom Friends
Be as honest as possible. If you want to be friends, tell them so, if you don’t, then tell them so. Being polite only goes so far. There’s always a chance that you’re hints are just not getting across. Telling them out right that you just cannot put the energy into another friend right now, or what ever the reason, is most likely the more polite route.
It can be really hard to keep trying when you feel like you’ve been stood up multiple times. It can be really hard to keep trying, but when they show they are really interested in being friends, yet they’re just busy, then be forgiving.
Know When to Give Up
To be forgiving can also go too far. If they show no signs of truly wanting to go out, they are just polite, they tend to cancel on you without making attempts to reschedule, it may be time to give up trying.
Do you have a great mom friend? If you do, show your appreciation for them today. If you’re still seeking that one great friend that just gets you? Or seeking a new great friend? Then just keep trying. You’ll find someone that can be there. Mommying can be lonely. Do something for you, that includes making a friend.
My Comfort Zone is My Worst Enemy: How to Break Down the Wall
Finding a Mom-Friend: An Introverts Story So Far
Becoming friends with someone sometimes doesnt instantly happen and sometimes it doesnt as much as you want it to. These are some great signs that it’s just not a right fit.
One of the things could also be that they are just as afraid of making new friends due to being used to all friends or family members avoiding them/leaving them and are afraid it will happen again. Making friends as an adult is so hard and awkward.
I know how it feels like to try making friends with someone who keeps ignoring you.
Best to leave them alone. If meant to be, it will
I think I’m pretty good with reading that signs especially if someone doesn’t want to be my friend:P
That’s an interesting observation. I’m in this phase now, trying to make new mommy friends.
I love all your points-its hard making mom friends but sometimes, it just doesnt work with them all and thats ok
[…] The Mom’s Guide to Making Friends […]
[…] The Mom’s Guide to Making Friends: Signs Someone Does & Does Not Want to Be Your Friend […]