I have been a mom now for two years and I have yet to make a mom-friend. I read article after article, blog post after blog post, and see so many videos, vlogs, etc about the importance of making a mom friend. It doesn’t take long after having your first child why this is such a prevalent topic. Being a mom is lonely, it’s tiring, it’s thankless at times, it’s also rewarding, it’s absolutely wonderful, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But, I know I’m repeating myself here, it’s lonely.
At least as a stay at home mom, my day consists of baby drool, toddler babble, and a ton of wiping asses. It does not consist of a lot of adult conversation.
Many, really all, of my close friends from before I became a mom are not moms. Since I’ve become a mom I have lost friends and others I know are still there but it’s 1. hard to get together with them, and 2. they can get tired of the endless baby and poopy diaper talk from you. When your day literally consists of baby feedings, play with blocks, dominos, play-do, and a lot of diaper changes it can be hard to come up with other conversation topics.
Why have I not found a mom-friend yet?
Well, this is partially an excuse I’m sure, but I’m an introvert. I hate small talk, I hate having to make the first move, and I hate disappointment. It really is like dating and I thought I’d be done with dating when I met my husband.
Man, did I have a rude awakening.
I also fear judgment towards my daughter and me. We took a mommy and me dance class earlier this Fall, my daughter was the inattentive, independent, one. She was all over the place. She didn’t need to stay by mommy’s side because she was shy. She was not the one that followed every little task by the teacher. She was the one hanging off the ballet bar and turning up the volume on the teachers ipod during class.
I love her for her independence but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t dread going to class because I felt like the other mothers were judging me and judging my child. I never tried to strike up a conversation with them because of this. I never tried to make a mom friend from that class.
I’ll take the kids to the park and play with them. I find moms sitting on benches, or following their little ones around. There may be small talk here or there but little else. I need to come out of my shell I know. There are actual apps now for this because so many people find it hard. I’ve been trying the app Peanut. I will have a review blog post of the Peanut app soon.
But for now…
What do I hope for in a mom-friend?
• I hope to find a mom-friend I can talk to when I really need it. Someone I won’t feel like I’m just bugging or annoying.
• I hope to find a mom-friend that thinks like I do. That has relatively like parenting styles and does not judge me for anything we differ in.
• I hope to find a mom-friend who is funny and can take life with a grain of salt when need be.
• I hope to find a mom-friend that may also have a great husband friend for my husband. Perhaps we find good couple friends all at once.
• I hope to find a mom-friend with kids about the same age as mine.
• I hope to find a mom-friend that I will consider my best friend.
• I hope to find a mom-friend I can complain to when I need to and tell her that some days I just wish I were done but she understands that I’m don’t really mean it because I absolutely love my kids and doing what I’m doing.
• I hope to find a mom-friend I can just call up, stick the kids with the husbands, and go see a movie with.
• I hope to find a mom-friend that truly likes me for who I am.
• I hope to find a mom-friend I can talk to about anything and everything and I know she will keep my confidence.
Do you have a great mom-friend? If so make sure you tell them how much you appreciate them. We’d all be a little less sane if we were not supporting one another.
Watch this great video. I love Cat & Nat and their Mom Truth videos.
YOU WILL FIND A MOM FRIEND WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT! It is so hard to find, but when you find the right one…it makes all the difference. I’m very lucky my sister in law is my best mom friend.
I think that these things are like love, you find it the less you try to find it. Anyway, if you want I’ll be happy to be your mom-friend (at a distance, because I live in Spain hehe), but I’m always just a skype, whatsapp or email away. Hugs!
I moved to a new state and so my childhood fiends are not here. Its been very hard to connect.
Awww….I can be your mom friend
You can talk to me anytime
I remember feeling so alone when I became a mom. In fact, I was the first in my group of friends to start a family and understand how your world is no longer like theirs. It’s hard to talk baby to ppl don’t have any! I started doing IG stories and find that it’s easier to engage people there. Sometimes I’ll just rant about mom life and someone will actually respond back saying “Me too!” Hang in there (and know you can always reach out to me!) It takes a while to find a Cat to your Nat!
Thank you. Yes it’s hard too especially when the ones you are talking to don’t have kids because then I feel like I’m just annoying them with endless baby talk. I’m starting to do insta stories. 🙂 what’s your Instagram I’d love to follow you.
My biggest issue was finding friends that would “get” my kids and I am incredibly fortunate that I have found my Mum tribe!
I think that’s something for me too. Finding someone that understands differences in kids too.
Wow, I wish I was closer! It sounds like you crawled in my head! And it really is like dating.
My son is all over the place at events too. He has ADHD and has a really hard time focusing on one thing at a time. And j get intimidated with other moms as well .
[…] 3.Sarah’s Sage Advice– this woman really covers the struggles of momming. From married moms to single parents she covers it all. My favorite post is about making a mom friend. […]
I, too, am an introvert and absolutely agree that it’s hard coming out of our shells to actually strike up a conversation with someone! I have made a couple of good mom friends since we’ve moved where we live now almost 3 years ago, but I would still love to have some more good ones. If you haven’t already, look up local mom groups on the Meetup website. That is how I met one of my mom friends. I’m not even sure exactly how the friendship with my other one started. She messaged me about wanting to buy some squash from me a couple of years ago (through a FB farmer’s market group) and just got to messaging each other beforehand and discovered we had kids of similar ages and the rest was history. lol Friends can come from some strange places!
[…] Finding a Mom-Friend: An Introverts Story So Far […]