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Emotional Intelligence and Coping with Disappointment

Since becoming a mother, I have looked more into goals I have for myself, self-improvement goals. Who am I now, who do I want to be, what are my weaknesses and how can I improve on those weaknesses. I was not a very emotionally intelligent child, I was overly sensitive, unaware most of the time of exactly the root of my emotions, and I had a very hard time expressing my feelings. This also led to me having a very hard time coping with disappointment.

I have definitely grown and become more emotionally aware, but I know I have more room to grow.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.

There are five key elements to emotional intelligence.


When you’re self-aware, you know how you feel, and you understand how your emotions affect your actions as well as the people around you.


Self-regulation entails controlling one’s behavior, emotions, and thoughts, managing any disruptive emotions and impulses.


People who are emotionally intelligence are motivated and want to fulfill their inner needs and goals. They do not need external reward. They have a high need for achievement and always want to do better.

Social Skills

Interacting with others and understanding the emotions of others is a big part of emotional intelligence.


The ability to understand how others are feeling is critical to build your emotional intelligence. This also includes your responses to people based on the information.

Disappointment is a part of life. How we overcome and react to that disappointment can affect our day completely. How do emotionally intelligent people overcome disappointment?

Take a Reality Check

Take a moment to really reflect on why you’re disappointed. Is it really that bad? How does the situation affect you? It’s common to have irrational thoughts and reactions when our emotions take over. Taking a record of those irrational thoughts can help calm those emotions.

Be the Bigger Person

If you’re ever hit by a low blow take the high road. Be the bigger person. It can be hard to not retaliate when emotional. Evaluate and do not act or speak in anger or disappointment.

Let the Negativity Go.

Move on from disappointment as quickly as possible. Do not stew and let negativity take over. By feeling your emotions, letting them out in a productive and healthy way, then moving on you can help keep yourself out of a discouraged or depressed state.

Still working toward that emotionally intelligent reaction. How do you build your emotional intelligence?

Respond Rather Than React

Work on methods to stay calm during emotional or stressful situations. Think clearly through your emotions and speak calmly about the situation.

Become an Active Listener

Listen for clarity and to understand. Wait your turn to speak and work to understand before responding.

Learn to Take Constructive Criticism and Critique

Instead of getting offended or defensive, listen and understand where the other person is coming from and how you may affect them.

How could you personally work on building your emotional intelligence?


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