Blog For Mama Parenting

The Need to Belong but I am Lacking a Tribe

Everyone has heard ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ or ‘behind every great mom is a tribe of other great moms who have her back’ or ‘Thankful for my tribe’ and I’m stumped. Where’s my village, where’s my tribe.

I have always been a relatively shy person at first but then very social. I have had so many settings growing up where I had supportive friends, many different acquaintances and many people I thought I could always count on. Sometime after becoming a mother, those people I thought I could count on, disappeared.

It was not an immediate shift.

More slowly disappearing friends as I had each additional child (I only have 3), I cannot imagine what it would be like had I continued having more kids.

I know what you might say.

Find your tribe then, go to church, join a mom group, use one of those apps like Peanut. Well, I have a huge aversion to judgmental moms.

I am Christian, I could go to church and find a tribe, but I have an aversion to organized religion. I am Christian but it is hard to find truly inclusive churches. You know, churches that do not have others judging others. Very unchristian, I agre

Mom’s groups are hard because others can be so judgmental about even the simplest parenting choices.

I do not cloth diaper, I do co-sleep for a time and I did breastfeed but stopped with all three kids by 4 months. I DO VACCINATE MY CHILDREN. My kids do get screen time and often unrestricted screen time. No matter what I do it seems like I’ll be judged.

Oh, lets not even start on me personally, a tattooed mom, I never do my makeup, doing my hair is usual a quick brushing through and I’m not afraid to cuss in front of my children.

So, if you need a mom tribe yourself, or even just a friend, let me know. I could use some like-minded mamas to build a tribe of supportive, non-judgmental friends.

Sarah

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7 Comments

  1. ashley says:

    I have a hard time with this as well. As moms we do so much and give so much and are still afraid of being judged for decisions we make that are best for our kids and family. This has caused me to stay to myself and not venture out to local mom groups. Hopefully with my daughter starting daycare in the fall I can rethink about joining local mom groups.

  2. Lisa says:

    Finding the right person to be friends with as a mom is tough. There are so many other things at stake, plus our interests are often driven by our children who are changing. Once I find a good mom friend I hang on for dear life, lol.

  3. Laura says:

    Its si true, finding a tribe doesnt come easily for everyone. And just going here or looking there doesnt always work because you have to be compatible with the other people in the tribe. And simply going somewhere that has other moms doesnt mean you will get along with any of them.

  4. Trying to be part of something like a mom tribe isn’t easy. Most people have their own group of friends they trust and rely on for things.

  5. I can totally relate to this. Moved to a new city right before having kids, and we don’t have family near. It is hard to be a new mom and try to start with a mom group. People usually already know one another and it can be awkward, and you’re totally right, there is so much judging!

  6. Monica says:

    I feel you mama! I’ve had a hard time as well and there are not a lot of mom groups in my area.

  7. This is me to a T. It is so hard to make mom friends. I have a group of friends already sure, but none of them have kiddos yet so they just dont really get it. It becomes hard to relate. I am also not religious. What i have started doing is becoming more involved with moms during my little ones classes. It gave us something in common to talk about and was an easy ice breaker for someone shy like myself. Due to covid we cant attend anymore but hopefully we can begin again.

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