HThere are so many expectations, consciously or unconsciously, put on girls as they grow up. Sometimes these expectations limit our daughters. Daughters are taught to be quiet, weak, obedient, “womanly,” “motherly,” and a home maker. Often, it’s just what they see. I am a very strong, outspoken, woman, an entrepreneur, an MBA, I am a stay at home/work at home mom. I am the one that is the primary care giver of my children, the one that cleans, does laundry, and keeps the home relatively out of disarray, and usually plans meals at least. My husband is the cook.
I fit as a mother, but that’s not all I am.
I did not get married until I was 28, almost 29, I had several relationships before, which failed.
I say thank goodness because they were not right and had I stayed with one of them it would not had been right. I also, most likely, would not had met my husband, the one it is right with.
Those relationships taught me a great deal though. I lost my virginity at 22. I dated that man for just shy of two years. He was not unpracticed. He was 32 and divorced. I thought I loved him, I thought I’d marry him, I thought I’d have kids with him. I’m glad I did not. I’m glad he actually had the forethought to break up with me. I was heart broken at the time but it took a bit of time for me to realize the relationship was not right, it was honestly often emotionally abusive. I didn’t realize that at the time.
However, I wouldn’t go back and change it.
If I had the ability to go back in time I would not warn my past self. Why? Because I learned so much from that relationship. I grew to be a better person. I did take a way a bit of baggage that I’ve had to overcome but overcoming that baggage has also made me a better person.
After that time, I dated. By dated, really I mean I slept around.
I also do not regret this. I know that just meeting people and having sex is still considered a stigma. It’s not classy or right for woman to go out, have sex, and not seek a relationship, but I really think it was something that helped me understand what I wanted and needed.
Each man I met, there really wasn’t that many, taught me a little about men. They taught me about relationships. They taught me about what I wanted and did not want. This made it so when I met my husband, 5 years ago, I knew pretty quickly that he was the one. He was perfect for me. He was by no means perfect and he still isn’t but he definitely is what I wanted and needed.
Even today our differences helps me grow.
I married at 28, had my daughter at 29, my son at 30 (the day before my 31st birthday). I wanted this life, marriage, kids, a family, ever since I was a teenager. Many dream of their perfect family, but for me, waiting was the best thing, I definitely didn’t know it at the time. I would not have been a good mother at 22, I would not have been patient enough, not saying I’m a saint now, I definitely lose my patience.
My younger self was selfish, stuck up, shy, quiet, and stuck on finding love. When I was so stuck on finding love I was trying to make it work and make it right with all the wrong people. I never would have been happy in that situation and bringing a child into that would have not been right for that child. I’m glad I waited.
I now have what I wanted.
I admit it, it’s not always perfect, but I’m not sure you can ever get perfection. It’s exhausting, it’s frustrating, and I worry constantly, wondering if I’m doing right by my husband and kids, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I know we are all on our own path. We each have our own guidance, our own wishes, our own journey but I wanted to share a bit of mine. I cannot imagine life had one thing been different and had I known gone through the good and the bad times in my past. I’ve grown to be strong, confident (most of the time), outspoken, educated, and everything I hoped I’d be for my kids.
I’m glad I waited.